Remember

I was remembering all these quirky things about you today. Like how you used to sit on your knees and you would tuck one foot over the other underneath you - Caleb sits the same way. And how you used to walk up and down stairs sideways. Or how you cleaned your fingernails in the shower or your getting dressed morning routine. Things that were just you.

I got so frustrated, almost to the point of tears today, cause it took me a few minutes to remember if you were left handed or right handed. Totally stupid and something I should have known and it made me want to cry that I couldn't think clearly. Then I tried to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal and since I of course knew you were right handed but played sports dominantly with your left, it was easy to get confused. But the truth is I was pissed cause it made me feel like you slipped away from me ever so slightly. Please please please don't slip away from me.

I hate this feeling that I get a few times a day whenever I realize the harsh truth that I can't pick up the phone and ask you something or that I will never be able to talk to you again. It always seems to catch me by surprise.

I miss you baby.
I love you always and forever




-from "Blessing for Mothers" - the last gift I received from my brother before he died

DAY 3: What's your name?

"Wouldn't you like to call out your child's name without stuttering through the first syllables of all your other children's names before finally landing on the correct one? Thankfully, the Lord never bungles your name nor confuses you with anyone else. Rejoice that He knows you by name."